Just mADE A PArabola og urine
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
