The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
