i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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