I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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