he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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