This is not my ceiling
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
