Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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