you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
