the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
