No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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