How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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