I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
