saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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