I skipped work to stalk him.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We left the knife in your bed.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
