I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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