cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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