went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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