Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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