and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
