I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
