So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
