honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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