i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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