I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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