Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
