i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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