In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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