I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
