she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
