I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
