She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
