Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
