so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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