My nipple is on Facebook.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
