And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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