I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
