fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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