his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
