someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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