Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
