How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
