shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I think I just sharted jello shots
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