Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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