we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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