You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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