i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
