life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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