I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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