I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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