I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
